this is simply my first authentic attempt to blog about a very real and present danger that is threatening society today. most Americans think about the season of autumn in terms of Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin, or cheering their favorite football team on to victory. To me, it is a season of obsession with one of the most dangerous and highly addictive past-times of the American public - the county fair.
Is my perspective a bit dramatic? We shall see.
Take a close look at this photograph of spinning colors and flashing lights. You can almost hear the carnival music in the background, playing the never ending tune of "The Ants are Marching One by One". Can you smell the funnel cakes and boiled peanuts? Can you imagine the children laughing and screaming in delight as they ride the ferris wheel, and win that stuffed toy they begged their daddy for? I like to envision the opening scene of "The Notebook", where Noah jumps on the ferris wheel and hangs on the top just to get Ally to agree to go on a date with him.
Excuse me, but if this isn't the hollywood version of a county fair, then i don't know what is. The days of Charlotte's Web are long gone, and a typical county fair today takes on a completely different face.
Upon arriving at the fair, you are herded into a parking lot, aka - an old pasture, by a huge escort of police cars with flashing lights. After hiding every valuable posession in the glove compartment of your car, you exit while gripping your child's hand with every ounce of nervous anticipation possible. You strictly tell them not to get lost in the crowd, don't talk to strangers, and for heaven's sake...leave your blanket in the car! You shell out $20 at the front gate for admission, and as soon as you get in you shell out another $40 for a roll of tickets to use at all the rides. Then you realize that you haven't eaten dinner yet. The kids are too awe-struck by all the shady characters flocking around you that they don't even realize you are about a mile ahead of them on a hunt for some type of affordable dinner option. oh wait - funnel cakes cost $5. Well, popcorn it is then. just drink water from the bathroom faucet, i'm not paying $4 for a Dasani water bottle!
After dinner is under control, the kids begin begging to ride the contraptions all around you. As you observe the unsavory character that is operating the Carousel, you wonder how loopy he is at this moment. and what he was smoking when he unloaded the carousel off the truck and tightened all those bolts as he went over his "safety checklist." yikes. So you move on. You settle yourself in the spinning "Himalayas", and then you realize that your seat belt is broken. And there is vomit on the floorboard. you switch to a different seat, and then scream your head off as your insides get bounced around in a most atrocious manner. The higschool drop-out attendent who ushers you out the gate has probably spent their life's savings on tatoos and has pierced every piercable surface on their body....and then some.
After a long night of blowing $100 on rides, foods, and various games, you gather up your crowd and start trekking out to the car. On the way out, a fight begins between gang members, and people start screaming and running every direction. Where are the cops? Who knows. Oh look, a flying trashcan. Let's get out of here.
All in all, it was a successful night at the fair. As you lay your weary head down to rest, a pounding headache begins to emerge from somewhere deep inside your shaken and sadly mistreated brain. All of that cost and misery for one night at the fair. and i'll bet a bag of boiled peanuts that you will find yourself in the same place again next year....wondering what on earth has gotten into your head again.
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